Eight years of Rainbow Fish and Pinwheel Wind Spinners

Ginny Copley asks Amy Wilson about her experiences of attending Rainbow Mill NVC camp

What do you remember about your first summer?

My first time at Rainbow Mill camp was in 2014. I didn’t really know what NVC was at the time. I had recently become a first-time mother; my daughter was two and a half years old. I had a vague sense NVC was something that could help me be a better parent if I could just ‘communicate’ better with my daughter. I remember feeling anxious about leaving her to go to workshops or NVC training offers. Accepting offers of childcare from people who were strangers at the time, and learning to ask for help, were two of the steepest learning curves over the last 8 years.

It was at my first camp that I broke down in the middle of a field in the hot sun, screaming and crying out uncontrollably. I completely lost it. Gayano and Rik stayed with me throughout the ordeal, and Des tucked me up afterwards in one of his multi-coloured hammocks to rest and recuperate in the safety of his rainbow ramble pond area. It was always so brightly lit up and decorated with tapestries, rainbow fish and pinwheel wind spinners. It was a special place he created for us all within his otherworldly woodland near the Mill.

Did you have different experiences each year?

Surprisingly I returned the following year, despite the terrifying possibility I might feel that deeply again! The community had held me, in all my imperfect and vulnerable glory. I hadn’t been rejected for being odd, or not good enough. I continued to return every August thereafter, and with each new camp came a vastness of connection and networks that spanned across the globe. I noticed a new thing developing in me, which I started to acknowledge as wisdom, and I began to be drawn towards embodied practices and focusing when it came to workshops.

And with wisdom came rejection of NVC! Surprisingly. It wasn’t making me a better parent! When I empathised with her, she screamed even more and hit out. Jason used to hold her tightly in an embrace to calm her down and help her regulate. So many occasions I felt I couldn’t cope with the extremities of our emotional turmoil. I also noticed I was feeling deeply uncomfortable with trying to ‘speak a certain way’ and using certain phrases. Constantly worrying about how good my reflecting was, so much so it distracted me from really listening and being present. 

Luckily, over time, the essence of NVC integrated into our lives. I continued to grow this seed of wisdom and moved away from the scripted to a place of authenticity. Camp became something very different for me. Gayano introduced me to Stephen Jenkinson, and I started to think about elderhood, and being of service, stepping towards the community in a capacity of giving rather than desperately draining it of all the lifeblood I could take. I started cooking more often for the community in the kitchen and making cakes for the ‘no need for talent’ show. I noticed caring more about mourning’s and celebrations if no-one else seemed to be gathering for it, and stepped towards those roles of gathering people, reminding us of the stories behind these rituals and circles.

What was your experience of camp this year?

This year I supported in the morning circle, recording the requests and offers, and helped on a practical level too, creating the jobs list on a huge board for everyone to sign up to tasks to help camp run smoothly. I am currently planning the nutritional content of the menus for next year, to support Barney. I have a longing in me to bring the voices, songs, and food from precious people, past and present, to camp every year. Nowadays at camp, I hardly ever know where my daughter is for the week… she appears every so often, with a huge grin on her face and looking refreshed and nourished by the connection all around her. One of many relatively grubby, unwashed wildling children who have banded together in solidarity for a week of frolicking in the woodlands. 

Any final reflections?

Now we have moved location to Top Farm, and dear Des has passed on, the Mill continues to hold a special place in my heart, and Rainbow Mill is still very much a part of the current camp, because what Rainbow Mill is made of, is carried within us, and bought back each year. The wisdom has been cultivated over years and years of turning up for this one week of connection, growth, friendship, service…grief-filled, vulnerable, and courageous. I realise now how ‘my NVC’ and ‘my Rainbow Mill’ are something like an essence that I can create anywhere and everywhere, not a specific thing to say or do or copy. It is foundational, something to be built on and cultivate, continually within us all. You could come along; I would love to cook for you and tell stories round the fire.

Amy Wilson is a parent who aims to integrate NVC into life where possible 

The first Rainbow Mill camp was held by Des McNeill Moss at his home in 2009, Des hosted the first 10 camps there before it moved to the campsite in Norfolk. Gayano helped Des to set up the camp and lots of people have contributed to organising the camp over the years. Since 2019 Barney Philips has organised this wonderful week of camping, community and connection. Rainbow Mill Camp happens annually in August

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