My first experience of an NVC camp • NVC

How wonderful it has been to at last experience a couple of long sunny days in the UK, the perfect weather for camping! Which is exactly what we had hoped for during our summer camp in Wales.

And it wasn’t to be!

Instead, the changeable weather brought us all together in a different way at the fourth Spirit of NVC camp (4-10 July 2016) which was held once again in Joan Carlisle’s beautiful Penquoit Centre in Pembrokeshire, Wales and was at maximum capacity with 40 people attending.

The vision for this camp was first created in 2013.

First imagined by Certified NVC trainer, Penny Spawforth and Peter Kinsey (certification candidate) as a way to bring people who are enthusiastic about NVC together in Wales and to give people a taste of what it is like to interact in an environment where

1) everyone’s needs matter and
2) people are willing to risk being authentic whilst having compassion and caring for others.
In other words, an experience of ‘NVC in action’.

At that time, the only other NVC camp in existence in the UK was over in Norfolk, East England. It was imagined that the camp would mainly support people living in Wales but as it turned out there have been people from Scotland and England attending as well as New Zealand, Czech Republic, France, Scandinavia etc.!

There are always stories to tell, peoples journey’s tears, and laughter, we come together to live NVC.

This is Noreen Blanluet’s story – a personal account of her experience at camp this year. If you attended the camp this year and have some stories that you would like to share we would love to read them in the comments below.

Noreen’s account:

I first came across NVC many years ago and have had a personal practice since doing the foundation course, but this was my first NVC camp.

It was wonderfully held in the Penquoit Centre near Lawrenny which is cared for by Joan and offers a gentle, safe, relaxed environment to be in. All the meals were provided with love by Tara and Stim. The core team of Peter, Penny, Daren and Maddie ensured a framework of check-ins, group activities, focused workshops and space for practice.

There literally was nothing to do except be for a week.

Part of that being was having the time and space to notice what could and would emerge, and just sitting with it. It’s been a valuable process of deepening self-awareness and unraveling of inner tangles, particularly supported by other people offering empathy, and holding the space for me to hear my thoughts out loud and reflect.

It’s been a week of insights

…noticing how I relate to myself and to the world, how I show up, who I am. It’s also been a week of practicing giraffe language, and connection and making new friends. It was joyful to be able to spend time with other people who speak the same language – metaphorically as well as literally – and who are willing to take the time to listen for the intention and needs behind the sometimes tentative words. It was also warming to be asked to help and to be able to support others’ processes in the same way.

And I discovered a key unmet need!

I need more affectionate touch in my life.

It seems very simple put like that, but it took several days of personal reflection, group practice and one-to-one conversations, as well as observing other people interacting around me (including children and cats) and noticing my responses. To arrive at this point of clarity and understanding I questioned how I defined my own identity, what my relationships have been about all my life, what I would really like from other people, and how I have come to be this way. Growing is exactly like shedding a skin. It was painful, and full of grief. It was also full of wonder.

Our society doesn’t fully acknowledge the importance of non-sexual demonstrations of affection through touch. If you do an image search on “touch”, there is a bias towards holding hands between parents and very small babies, and heterosexual couples. We are luckier in Wales, where everyone knows what a cwtch is (“a warm affectionate hug, cuddle or snuggle that gives a feeling of a safe place or home”). As a woman it is easy for me to hug and hold my female friends, whether to offer comfort or empathy, join in their sorrow or celebrate their joy and silliness, and express how much they mean to me. When it comes to male friends, it can sometimes be awkward and open to misinterpretation – unless there is clarity and empathy, like at Camp. That week was wonderful – there was so much love and hugs and holding each other and sitting close and being right there, witnessing each other’s joys and sorrows. I felt held – emotionally as well as literally. I made deep connections and new friends. We shall be visiting each other, and more exciting adventures in the campervan beckon already.

The more important someone is in my life, the more this affectionate touch matters. I had been sad that I wasn’t able connect with one of my best friends on that level, for a bunch of reasons. After I came back from Camp I explained what I had worked out and put a request to him, for the occasional demonstration of affection. He took it on board and when we said goodbye he touched my arm in return, and it was amazing how much impact this simple gesture had. I felt heard and acknowledged, and loved just as I wanted to be. It’s the simple things… but they can sometimes be so damn complicated.

There was so much love and support throughout the camp, in every way…

Overall, camp was a rich and nurturing experience. I’d recommend it to anyone with an interest in NVC, whatever the level of practice. It’s good for the soul, and translates for me into showing up in a more wholehearted way back in everyday life.

If you are interested in joining next year’s camp the dates are already announced as 3-9 July 2017. For more info about the camp you can visit the website: www.spiritofnvc.co.uk