Conflict and You – 5 week course – Online – for Beginners and Advanced Learners – 12:30 to 2:30pm

An in-depth exploration of how we get into conflict, why it can be so stressful – and what we can do about it

Led by Jo McHale (CNVC certified) and Kirstin Heidler

As we live our lives, we will  encounter moments of conflict. There will be things that people say or do that trigger upset, hurt, anger and other unwelcome emotions in us and drive a wedge between us. Yet few of us respond to these moments with confidence and grace. Instead, we lapse into deeply ingrained habitual patterns of defensiveness, blame and retaliation. We want to be right, and make the other person wrong. We want them to feel bad so that they feel what we’re feeling. Particularly in relationships, we hold others responsible for our own hurt and upset.

And yet…. we know this does nothing to heal the rift. In our heart of hearts, we know these ways of coping with conflict just make things worse. They increase separation rather than building connection.

So why do we keep reacting in the same old dysfunctional ways?

One answer is that we simply don’t know what else we can do. We don’t understand ourselves and our conflict strategies well enough to regulate our reactions and instead, to make choices that promote understanding and connection rather than widening the gap between us.

Conflict and You is designed to remedy this. Over five two-hour sessions online, we will delve into why conflict can trigger such strong fight/flight/freeze reactions in us and what we can do to manage ourselves differently.

Here’s a taste of what you will learn:

• Awareness of your own ways of dealing with conflict; how they have been shaped by your experiences both as a child and as an adult; how they protect you at the same time as harming your relationships
• What happens in your nervous system when you engage with conflict; how to recognise the signs that the emotional part of your brain has been triggered; how to restore your system to a state of equilibrium, so that the thinking part of your brain regains control and enables you to make positive choices about how you respond
• What you’re thinking and feeling when you experience shame; how your body responds to the experience of shame; how your own shame – and the tendency to shame others –  impacts the way you cope with conflict and can prevent you from transforming it into a healthy experience; the difference between shame and guilt
• Uncovering the story running in your head about the person you’re in conflict with; experiencing the power of self-empathy to uncover the multiple layers of blaming, criticising and judging that contribute to anger; transforming those thoughts into feelings and needs; empathy for the other person
• Repairing rifts in relationships; making sincere and powerful apologies.

Attendance 

The sessions will be recorded. However we urge you to show up live because so much of the learning comes from sharing experiences with other people. What is discussed in the breakout rooms remains confidential and will not be recorded.

Time and Dates

The programme consists of:

• five two-hour online Zoom sessions
• a workbook that elaborates on the session contents and which you can engage with in your own time.

Tuesdays 12.30 – 14.30

Start 1st October

Finish 29th October

Cost Sliding scale from £140.00 – £400.00