Vulnerability as a key to connection
By Tamara Hoggarth
2min read
A musician by the name of Amanda Palmer and Marshall Rosenberg both explore the mutual gift that is offered to both sides when requests are made clearly and without demand. They may both use different language for it but, as Rosenberg puts it, requests create space for people to do what they love to do most: “…to use our power in the service of life.”
By removing demands from our communication, we remove the fear of being shamed or punished and the threat to the autonomy of the other. Rosenberg and Palmer share an alternative to this where, while the matter of the exchange is the same, the nature of it is entirely different. The space it creates for joyful giving in its abundance is a source of life for our connections.
While the latter option is the more beautiful, it is the more vulnerable option. Palmer, after struggling with the transactional nature that her record label demanded, she and her band left the record label (and their livelihood certainty) and became independent.
Palmer had spent years building trust and openness with her crowds. Now that her band was no longer signed with a record label, it would take a leap of faith to stop selling tickets and give her music away for free. At first, people didn’t know what to do without the price tag but the masses soon began giving to the band in appreciation for their music and their relationship-centred exchange. Giving became their income and their support. Their vulnerability and courage to ask was repaid.
I saw this Ted Talk around a decade ago and its disruptively beautiful and heartfelt message stayed with me. The masses didn’t just meet the amounts of money they would have received through selling tickets – they far exceeded it.
Rosenberg’s message of humankind’s greatest joy of giving is shown here in broad daylight. All this generosity asks of us is of our vulnerability to ask. While it is no small ask, with the right people, it repays us in abundance.